Worst conditions

How long can the smile last on my face?
So yeah, my FAMILY drove me right to the corner again yesterday had nothing else i could do but cry myself to sleep again in my locked room. No wonder students taking Os jump off buildings. i can totally imagine! By saying school and life sucks is a understatement. however should i deal?

The life i live,
starting with school. OMGGGG O lvls, its only right that i get stressed up, like who is not? school books and work piling up the table, its the time of year where students wish they were never born, teachers wishing that they were.... well not teachers. And Parents stressing on the importance of getting A's. ARGH! why do we humans come with such misery for ourselves? So if you say humans are smart, i disagree with that. F&N cw deadlines is whats driving me up the wall.

So after the ending of school at 5pm per average school day, i have to go home and deal with the sad life that i must continue to lead on. Sibilings that ignore your pressence, PARENTS (BOTH) who blames you for causing the dispute. Actually not ignore, just hoping they could single out your mistakes and spite you with whatever they have.

Friends? how would you dare to tell them? they too have their things to go mad about. So yes there is no girl friends that i am able to confide in, even if there was there would not be one that is able to understand and belive how i feel. They'll just think that you are in the same situation they are in. Which i'm really not. you all still have your sibilings talking, bullying and scolding you. Parents scolding you for having bad results. Guess what i have NONE! Neither of them wants to talk to me, whenever i am there they would just walk away. showed my result slips to my parents and they could not care less. No matter how i try to make the topic about me they would be able to turn it to the new house and continue discuss about dimentions, depths and constructions.

Boyfriends, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! All they know is to say 'i love you, i know you can do it' firstly by saying 'ilove you' doesn't make me feel any better and the you could do it? If i could rly do it i wouldn't be this stressed. wl you're from nj! like how could you compare my results with yours! and that day when you talked about shuping or whatever, the things you said about her makes feel very very very very sad and scared. You ASSUME i wouldn't be like her, what if i am? If that happens what have you got to say? sure bfs are the best to confide in but i'm sure they're just listening for the sake of listening and at the end the tape recorder repeats. For bsf, idon'tthinkyouwouldrememberbutiaskedyouonce,'whatwouldyoudoifibrokeupwithyouoneday?wouldyougetandmarryanothermaplegirl.irememberedclearlyyouconfidentlysaidNONEVER!theworstafterabreakupisthatyourexbfgoeswithsomeoneyouknow. weipeng, yes you're another liar! IDIOT IDOT LIAR! you'll wait no matter what? What a sweet lie, NOT! But like whatever i don't rly care anyways. i wonder if you've been lying all along? But ah rly forget it, it doesn't matter. And nicolas, its impossible between us, DO NOT SAY THAT YOU'LL WAIT. wait for what? wait till i broke up with my bf for you? wishful thinking, thats the impossible of the "impossiEST"!

so like seriously i dont know what is going right for me. i can think of none, maybe you could tell me?
tell me why would anyone choose to continue this life except me. WHOCOULDBETHISDUMBRIGHT?











Standing at the edge of the cliff that i'm about to jump off soon, would you please lend a helping hand and push me over? i'll be grateful.
Just kill me, anyone?